"People want to be told what to think. They want to be told what to believe." - podcast ep this week (see below)

Hey guys,

I've employed the services of communication coach to help me during this transition period. Broadly, I know what I'm looking for and what I have to offer. I'm just not super polished at articulating it (yet). Hence communication. (As Warren B says: “If you can’t communicate, it’s like winking at a girl in the dark — nothing happens. You can have all the brainpower in the world, but you have to be able to transmit it. And the transmission is communication”)

The exercise we started with reminded me of a TEDx Talk I saw recently which I feel like you'll all appreciate.

It's called How to know your life purpose in 5 minutes and the speaker is film producer, Adam Leipzig

He talks about finding that at his 25th Yale reunion, 80% of his classmates were unhappy with their lives (despite having done well financially and so on) : "I feel as though I've wasted my life and I'm (over) halfway through it. I don't know what my life is all about." etc.

The minority that were happy all knew 5 things:

• Who they were
• What they did
• Who they did it for
• What those people wanted / needed
• What they got out of it / how they changed as a result

And you guys get to work this out right now, using his approach!

1. Who are you? your first name. Done.
2. What do you (love to) do? write, teach, code? Design, cook, build models etc.? (if there's lots of things distill it please)

The next three you need to figure out yourselves but it should be quite straightforward, I believe in you:
3. Who do you do it for? (picture them)
4. What do they want or need that you are providing to them?
5. How do they change or transform as a result?

Now put it all in a sentence...
(Note how three of these things are about other people. We are happiest when we are in service of others...)

"So what do you do?"

Here's the best bit. Adam says:

"One of the most difficult things that happens when you meet people for the first time is they ask you this question, "So, what do you do?" And, if you're like some of us, that's a really challenging question sometimes. Particularly, if you're in these moments
where you're between things, or you're feeling vulnerable, or it isn't defined. Or, what you seem to do isn't what you really do, or what you paid to do isn't how you define yourself.

So, when somebody asks you that question, here's what you do: you just say the very last thing you called out (answered above): how what you do changes the people you do it for."

For example, mine on first attempt was "I help people think differently about the world, and their problems".

I will try to remember to use this at my next dinner party opportunity and will see how it goes. Please report back if you also try it. Yay!

(Here's the youtube link if I haven't explained this well enough)

This week on Growing Up with Delia Burgess​
Ep. 90 - Jimmy Urbanovich: how to argue, fatherhood & starting and leaving a church​
​Jimmy teaches argumentation and critical thinking as an associate professor at Crafton Hills College, California.

​I enjoyed this conversation so much. During a previous podcast conversation with Jordan Urbs (who's been on the podcast a couple of times... I met him on twitter), I asked so many questions about his Dad that Jordan jokingly said "maybe you need to interview my Dad instead." Jordan's Dad Jimmy was listening to this episode while walking in a park in California somewhere and messaged me on instagram saying that he'd be happy to be interviewed. And thus another podcast episode was born.

Some of Jimmy's gems:

• You don't have to have any opinion on everything or be on a "side" (think politics, major conflicts etc.)
• If you do have a good argument for an opinion you hold you should be able to effectively argue the other side
• On leaving the church he started:

"So much of it is what I would term an it an intellectual assent to a proposition. Just say Jesus is Lord, believe. Jesus is Lord. It's like it's all cognitive, like if you believe something, you'll go to heaven. If you believe something, you're in the club.

And not to diminish belief, I think belief is important. But you know, in my mind, the heart of Christianity isn't an intellectual assent. It's a behavioural one. It's displaying love. It's love your neighbour like you love yourself.

And it isn't like belief isn't important to come into play, but that's not the heart, you know. And so basically in a nutshell, people want to be told what to think. They want to be told what to believe."

(He got so sick of this he left the church and became a professor full time, teaching critical thinking. He loves it:
​"I'm more ministering to people now than I ever did in ministry. I'm actually really helping people. And I I almost feel like I'm doing more of the Lord's work now than I ever did in the Lord's name.") ​
​
Best,
Delia
​
​Listen to Growing Up with Delia Burgess on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts (also now on YouTube!! Yay)

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