Growing Up: lemme end your suffering real quick & the problem with religion


Guys hiiiiii

I am back from the 10 day Vipassana retreat. I spent last week getting myself back into balance by eating loads of junk food and watching Tiktoks late at night. I am now here writing to you, so excited to share, but my brain is exploding there's so much I want to tell you about so bear with...

THIS IS LONG (maybe longest yet?), but great. You're going to love it.

As discussed before I went in (Growing Up: you must bring forth what is within you) the 10 days looked like: 4am wakeup with the gong, couple hours meditation, breakfast, more meditation, 11am lunch, more meditation, 5pm tea (no dinner, just fruit (after day 3 I just had lemon water because that's what old students do and I wanted to be hardcore like them (although just found out this is not a thing, so maybe don't request it if you ever go!)), more meditation, evening discourse, more meditation, 9pm done and bed. That's 12 HOURS of cross legged meditation, sitting on the floor, 10 days in a row. (Believe me, I counted.) 9 days of noble silence, meaning no speaking to other meditators, not even eye contact. No reading, writing, exercising, TOUCHING (the girls broke this rule on day 10 and a few hugs / hi 5s were exchanged lol... it was EMOTIONAL obviously we are going to hug)... men and women fully segregated etc.

Loads to say re my personal experience (it was HARD / crazy / cool / extremely boring at times / beautiful) and what I got out of it but for the purposes of this letter, since we are all here for the IDEAS (i.e. me sharing other people's ideas), I will stick to that. (Feel free to message me of course if you want to know anything else about my personal experience or whatever.)

Right, cause there's a lot, going to start with some bullet points about what the retreat actually is:

  • FIRST, if it wasn't made clear by me replacing meditation with Tiktok, I am not some full convert who has joined a cult and is trying to convince you. Not sure the "Vipassana path" is for me (longer conversation...) but there's so much intellectual juicy stuff here that I think you may be interested in, hence sharing below. Yay.
  • What's the point of the retreat? The point is to end suffering.
  • Speaking of intellectual entertainment (me being excited by the ideas), you can't THINK (read, talk etc.) your way out of suffering, hence the technique, and the PRACTICE of meditation, many hours a day, on repeat. (So according to the technique, what I said in the subject line is a lie. You actually have to meditate to end your suffering. Sorry.)
  • Minimum amount of time to learn the technique is 10 days.
  • Despite me saying I am not sure about continuing on the path, I would fully recommend doing one of these to almost anyone who feels called (they are all over the world). Only exception is those struggling with an addiction or really poor mental health.
  • The retreat is FREE, funded by donations. Only students who have fully completed a course and experienced benefits from it are eligible to donate (money or time... it's fully run by volunteers).
  • Vipassana is the essence of what the Buddha taught more than 2,500 years ago...
  • and now you're thinking, oh so it's Buddhist. No. It is not Buddhist. This is where some of the intellectual juiciness comes in, read on.
  • The evening discourses, meditation guidance, etc. comes from Goenka, a Burmese guy who passed away in 2013.
  • I am so annoyed that I can't find the full transcripts of his discourses anywhere because there are so many snippets and anecdotes I'd love to share. HE'S A FUNNY GUY!! and excellent storyteller.
  • Okay update I just found the transcript of a different speech he gave at Davos (#classic), back in 2000. I am going to share as a starting point, it probably helps articulate the problem many of us have with religion(s)...

Mr. S. N. Goenka, the second of three addresses given at the World Economic Forum, Davos, Switzerland, January, 2000

There are two significant aspects of religion, one of which is the hard core of religion, the quintessence of religion, which is of utmost importance. This is to live a moral life full of love, compassion, goodwill, and tolerance.

Every religion essentially preaches morality. This is the greatest common denominator of all religions.

A moral life is a life where one abstains from all such actions, physical or vocal, which disturb the peace and harmony of other beings. A moral life is always free from negatives such as anger, hatred, ill-will, and animosity.

A moral life is the true religious life where one lives in peace and harmony within oneself and generates nothing but peace and harmony towards others.

A true religious life is an “art of living,” a moral code of conduct, and a happy harmonious healthy and wholesome life. A true religious life is always good for oneself, good for others, and good for the entire human society.

A true religious person is a pious person, a person with moral life, a person with a well-controlled and disciplined mind. A person with a pure heart always bubbling with love and compassion. A true religious person is an invaluable jewel of the human society. Such a true religious person can be from any country, community, any colour, any sex, rich or poor, educated or uneducated. Every human being is capable of becoming a true religious person.

Living a life of morality with a well controlled, disciplined mind and with a pure heart full of love and compassion is not the monopoly of any one religion. It is for all. It transcends all sectarian barriers. It is always nonsectarian. It is always universal. It is always generic.

If people practice this quintessence of religion, there is no reason for any conflict or confrontation among the people of the world regardless of their religion. Everyone in the human society can enjoy real peace, real harmony and real happiness by observing this quintessence of religion.

But then there is another aspect of religion. It is the outer shell of religion. It involves rites, rituals, ceremonies, etcetera, which are likely to turn into different cults. Each has its own different mythological and philosophical beliefs, each of which are likely to turn into dogmas, blind faith and blind beliefs.

In contrast to the uniformity of the inner hard core of morality, this outer hard shell exhibits great diversity. Every organised, sectarian religion has its own rites, rituals, ceremonies, cults, beliefs and dogma.

The followers of each organised, sectarian religion usually develop a tremendous amount of attachment to their own rites, rituals, faith and dogma as the only means of salvation. Such misguided persons may not have even a trace of morality, a trace of love, compassion and good will towards others and yet remain under the impression that they are religious persons because they have performed such and such rite or ritual or because they have full faith in a particular belief. They are actually deluding themselves and missing the nectar of the practice of the true essence of religion.

And then there is the worst part of this outer shell. People with strong attachment to their own faith have the firm belief that the followers of all other organised sectarian religions are nonbelievers and therefore will never taste salvation. They are fully convinced that to convert others to their religion is a great meritorious deed and hence they apply various coercive methods.

Such blind faith of the followers of different organised religions is likely to turn into fanatic fundamentalism. It leads to controversies, contradictions, violent confrontations and even wars and bloodshed resulting in a tremendous amount of misery in the society, wiping away its peace and harmony. And all this is done in the name of religion. What a great misfortune for this human world.

When the outer shells of religion become so predominantly important the inner core of morality gets lost.

Sometimes people feel that there cannot be a religion without the hard outer shell, however undesirable it may be. But successful experiments were made in the past and are also being made even today where 100 percent importance is given to the inner core of morality, ignoring the outer shell as totally irrelevant. There exists a method to adopt this practice successfully called Vipassana meditation.

Okay this happily leads on to the other few points I wanted to make, before I share a fun discourse extract by Goenka on Jesus (with the link to the video so you can see what a joker he is!!)

(By the way, it's funny reading the above because it comes from a time (and maybe a place - most of his teaching was done in India) where it's more of a given that morality and piety etc are good things. Whereas now in the West it feels like we're in a more hedonistic maybe (?) or "reject everything" point of the cycle and many would cringe at the idea of "moral code of conduct". But that's a whole other discussion...)

  • So how do you end suffering / what is the Vipassana technique? Here is my quick and dirty explanation:

Everything around you is growing, decaying, growing, decaying. On your body, in your body, everything is in flux, constantly. Your hair is growing, cells are doing stuff, blood is flowing, your heart is beating etc. Sometimes you feel sensations in your body. Right? Pain, an itch, your heartbeat, some throbbing, whatever. (Also when you feel an emotion you might become aware of a sensation... we are all familiar with "butterflies in the stomach" or "a pit in my stomach" or an anxious person feeling tightness in their chest... this is really exciting the connection with where mainstream psychology seems to be heading (somatic / embodiment / The Body Keeps the Score vibes) but I will save that for another day.)

So, if you focus your mind enough you start to notice sensations on every single inch of your body inside and out (it takes a while to get the mind this sharp, hence the 10 days.) And you notice: everything is arising and passing, arising and passing (impermanence or anicca in Pali (the language spoken during the time of the Buddha in Northern India)). You can get to a point where the sensations are all just vibrations, and you are aware of energy flowing freely everywhere. OR not. Maybe you just experience a tonne of pain in your back for sitting still for so long. Your attitude to the sensations is how you know whether your progressing. The idea is to remain equanimous, i.e. objective, curious, calm. The goal is for no aversion or craving. You are not averse to "blind spots" where you can't feel sensation, or pain. You do not crave "I want the free flow of sensations, am I a failure because I can't feel it yet??", "I want to feel a sensation here, why can't I?". Or my personal fave "IF SOMEONE SNIFFS ONE MORE TIME". You just observe, remember "anicca" and remain equanimous.

  • Apparently this was the unique contribution of Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha). All the moral teachings for centuries had been saying "you have to give up craving, give up aversion." But no one showed you HOW exactly to do that.
  • So how do we end suffering? Through experience. It's one thing to know intellectually that everything is growing, decaying, this too shall pass, change is the only constant, we all die one day etc etc. But to actually experience it physically, to notice every single atom that you are made up of is constantly in flux (being able to notice this on an atomic level is probably a stretch, but you get the idea).
  • On that point, how weird is this... Wait. I was going to say, "so we know from modern physics everything is energy, in quantum mechanics particles have wavelike properties etc., i.e. everything is a wave and apparently the Buddha, 2,500 years ago was onto this??" HOWEVER. People have been theorising about what stuff is made from forever... (I'm reading about the origins of philosophy / ancient greece etc., and they were thinking about this, so not so crazy that the Buddha was also coming up with his own theories around the same time) AND apparently, it’s unclear whether the fundamental building blocks of reality are quantum particles, quantum fields, or some combination of the two. (This article explains more if you're into that / also proposes that we need scholars who blend the roles of physicist and philosopher (as in Ancient Greece) to progress further). I digress...

Okay now some other clarifying points on the "Buddhist" bit:

  • Goenka was Hindu! When he first went to learn about Vipassana (the story goes he was a successful businessman who suffered from terrible migraines, and having seen all the best doctors around the world to no avail, he tried Vipassana as a last resort...) he was worried it would conflict with his Hinduism. He was reassured, no. Suffering is universal. The Buddha's teachings are for everyone regardless of race, religion, etc. He reiterates this multiple times throughout. There are no dogmas involved, no beliefs required, it's purely experience based, and everyone should have access to it. You can be Jewish, Christian, Muslim, atheist etc. and benefit from the technique.
  • Buddha means "the enlightened one". There were Buddhas before Buddha, and Buddhas after Buddha. You, dear reader, can even become a Buddha yourself should you reach enlightenment (but don't expect it after one 10 day retreat Goenka tells us... chuckle chuckle) ...
  • AND this is the common misconception about Buddhism and why I said above the retreat is based on the teachings of the Buddha but is not Buddhist... ChatGPT summarises it really well (I asked "did you know the Buddha never wanted a religion named after him?"):

Yes, it is widely understood that the Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, did not intend to create a religion centered around his own name or person. His primary goal was to teach others how to achieve liberation (nirvana) from suffering through a path of wisdom, ethical conduct, and mental discipline, rather than to be worshiped or deified.

The Buddha's teachings, known as the Dharma, were focused on practical guidance for ending suffering (dukkha) through the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path.
He emphasised the importance of self-reliance and personal experience in following the path to enlightenment, rather than devotion to any individual or deity. After his death, his followers continued to spread his teachings, and over time, the movement grew into what is now known as Buddhism. However, this development was not something the Buddha explicitly called for; he saw himself as a guide rather than the center of a religious tradition. Many early Buddhist texts show the Buddha discouraging the creation of rituals and practices focused on his person, urging followers to focus on the Dharma and their own spiritual practice.

Anyway here is a little passage about Jesus from one of the Goenka discourses (video here!):.

On devotion:
Someone says, “I am a great devotee of Jesus Christ.” Oh, wonderful—such a saintly person. A prince among the saints, so saintly.
To measure whether someone is really saintly or not, the yardstick is: At the time of death, what kind of mind is this person carrying? And what kind of mind was he carrying? He was tortured to death, crucified. Being tortured, he has not a trace of anger or aversion or hatred toward those people who are torturing him—only love, only compassion: "they don't know what they are doing. Ignorant people. May they not be punished for their bad deeds. They are so ignorant. Only love, only compassion."
A real saintly person.
If someone says "I am a devotee of Jesus Christ" and does not develop even a little bit of love and compassion and goodwill for others, then this devotion is blind devotion.
Someone comes to me and says that "I am a devotee of Jesus Christ because I accept that he was son of the God."
So... what? He was son of the God... as if he wants a testimonial from you? And then he'll be very happy... "well look these people, so many people give me testimony that I am son of the God"... and what sort of Christ is Christ?
We are mad what we are doing...
Is there any doubt that he was son of the God? He was son of the God. After what is God? Truth is God. Love is God. Compassion is God. Purity is God. And here is a product of truth, of love, of compassion, of goodwill, of purity. He's a product of that. He is son of God.
Those qualities are important. And if we try to develop those very qualities in us, then yes we are good devotees of Jesus Christ. Otherwise no it becomes a blind faith, blind devotion... does not work.

So yeah, his whole thing is: anti sects. Suffering is universal, everyone should have access to the technique, Mormon, Sikh, agnostic etc. And anti blind faith. Experience how the technique benefits you, otherwise leave it. Don't blindly follow dogmas.

Good stuff. (Funny because the dogma thing ends up being my major issue with this... at the end it's like choose whatever path you want but once you choose a path you must just stick to one. To which I'm like why?? Question for another day.)

Okay phewwwwwww that's done. Here's who's been on the pod recently:

Last couple of weeks on Growing Up with Delia Burgess
Ep. 118 - Ranjana Iyer: Bangalore startups, arranged marriage & ayahuasca
Ranjana (RJ) is a former professional dancer and a startup founder based in Bangalore.

She is also a vegan, bookworm, writer, dancer, and entrepreneur who loves: "entrepreneurship, travelling, reading, writing, solitude, nature, walking, learning various dance forms, deep conversations, masala chai (how Indian of me), nurturing close relationships, and spirituality."

ranjanatn.com / twitter: @theRJIyer

Ep. 119 - Daniel Bradley: sexuality & Christian spirituality
Daniel helps people convert stress into power with bioenergetics. Self regulation and holistic self healing.
X: @genuisofthebody

Listen to Growing Up with Delia Burgess on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts :)

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